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Monday, December 17, 2012

God Bless those families hurting in Newtown, CT

It is times like these that brings out the best in people.....the worst of the worst of times.
My feelings for these families of these small children bring back painful memories of my own loss.  Mine was not from violence, but from sickness and there is a big difference.

But, I do understand some of what they are going through.  Today, many of these families are picking out a casket and coffin for their precious child.  They are picking out the color of the inside of the casket, picking out clothes that their child will wear for the last time, picking out things they want to go in the casket, picking out a plot of land where their child's body will lie for eternity......they are going through these painful motions, in a fog, wondering why, remembering what their last words were to their child, remembering the good in their child, crying and holding their child's siblings, looking in that empty, silent bedroom where they will never tuck their child in again, looking at the empty chair at the dinner table, seeing the bicycle that will not be ridden again, seeing the booster seat in the car that will not be used for them again.........the memories are in everything they see and do.

Hold these families close in your prayers and hearts.  Their pain is enormous.  Burying your child is unnatural.....children are supposed to bury parents.  My 1st born daughter lived for a day  - that will be 26 years ago this December 29.  My arms literally ached for weeks yearning to hold her again.  She did not die in vain, though.  She saved many babies after her - she is the main reason pregnant women are tested for Beta Strep now as a mandatory test.  My hope is that all these children lives will not be lost in vain.  I hope for something good to come from this.

I also feel for the family of the shooter.   My second daughter has been diagnosed by the army with anti-social behavioral disorder.  I feared for my life when she was a teenager.   I would lock my bedroom door at night.  She would go into rages where all I could see where her pupils and no iris in her eyes - it was demonic.  Did I seek the proper care?  I'm sorry to say that I didn't for fear they would just give her medications or she would get with someone who would make it worse.  Plus, I didn't have my husband's support - she only showed her demonic side when he wasn't around.  Fortunately, she didn't hurt anyone physically....she has hurt many emotionally and at 25 years of age is an outcast from the family.  My mother, father and I are the only ones that interact with her.  I pray for her and let her know I love her - it is all I can do at this stage.

See, she is very intelligent and calculated...scored 131 on the IQ test at age 8.  I don't know the correlation, but it seems this disorder goes hand and hand with extreme intelligence.  In no way am I saying that everyone who is extremely intelligent has psychological issues.  My daughter's symptoms included manipulation, paranoia, no remorse, short relationships, lying, stealing and being an introvert.   She would not go out and play on the weekends with neighborhood children, instead she would stay in her room all weekend reading.  I do hope this blog will encourage those parents who have troubled children to seek help for them.

I feel for the families on both sides of this tragic event. 
I believe all these families need our support and prayers.